Christina Milian in Maxim

I’m not entirely sure why Christina Milian isn’t more famous than she already is. Based on what TV has taught me about Hollywood, fame is directly related to beauty, and Christina is clearly gorgeous, so she should be able to get a guided tour of the White House with no questions asked. In a related story, I just recently became a White House tour guide, possibly. I’m going to add some life to these tours by having a mandatory nudity policy, and sex in random rooms clause (See: Hot chicks only). I pitched this idea to the Secret Service, and recommended that I take the newly-arrived 18-year-old Brazilian maid Consuela up to the Lincoln bedroom to test it out. I’m pretty sure they thought I was a genius, but it was hard to hear their praise in between their kicking me in the head, which I assume they were doing to test my toughness.

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Tags: Christina Milian, Maxim

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