Breaking News! (shocking)
According to various news sources, Pop Start Michael Jackson, 50, died after a heart arrest.
When the paramedics arrived at his home he was not breathing, and even after been given CPR he couldn’t resist.
A cardiologist at UCLA confirmed Jackson died of cardiac arrest after arriving at the Los Angeles hospital in deep coma.
I think I’m being a little generous by calling that thing a “top”. It pretty much looks like Katie took a net and stretched and cut it a bit, which as you’ve probably already guessed, is one of the best decisions she’s ever made. It’s too bad she stopped the thought process when she did. I think we can all agree that she would’ve done humanity a great service if she would’ve burned that net into ash before putting it on, and also had sex with me for some reason.
NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions of Katie’s exemplary decision-making.
Holy fucking walrus penis, when did Anna Paquin become such a freakishly awesome sexbomb? Someone get me an audition for this show. Emmys will come raining down. Granted, the simulated sex scenes may only take up a total of 11 seconds, but I have already devised a solution to that. Prior to the simulated sex scene Anna and I will have actual sex beforehand. That way any excitement I would have had during the filming will be expended during coitus pre-scene. Yes, I am a genius, no I will not do your math homework. My eyes are too round to be that kind of genius.
NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions of Anna being my new hero.
Click to see the ridiculously NSFW video of Anna having some sex.
I’ve really got to get me one of these photographer gigs. These dudes seem like they’re always up to their testicles in naked female celebrities. I’ve been trying to get Fergie to take her top off since before Moses didn’t part the Red Sea. Then some jackoff turns on a camera and her bra kills someone on its way out of the window. What the hell, Fergie? It’s like you don’t even know I exist anymore. I show up at your house with a bouquet of roses and a bottle of astroglide and you call the police. That is not how you show your love, Duchess.
This is, without a doubt, the greatest thing I have ever seen. Long have I dreamed of a scenario where a bunch of supermodels are frolicking naked on a beach, and now it’s finally happened. I fucking love you Italy. I’m going to use your Mafia connections to buy you a golden gelato factory. As long as I get free gelato — that shit is delicious. Anywho, I can’t even begin to count how many orphaned newborns I would kill to be that photographer. Sure, all of the photographs would come out blurry because I’d be stabilizing the camera with one hand, but I’m pretty sure everyone will be fine with that after they realized how awesome my life was at that moment.
NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions of this being the greatest thing ever. Also, see if you can spot the hypocrisy I highlighted in pic 6.
