Heidi Montag Has a New Song – Hearing Fails Worldwide

Sweet. Merciful. Crap. I don’t know who the dumbass is who keeps forgetting to burn down the studio when Heidi gets within 700 miles of it, but for fuck’s sake. The only logical conclusion I have been able to come to as to why someone would unleash this abomination upon the world is that the producer of this song is in fact, Satan. That’s right. For the past 2,000 years, Satan has been sitting in his crappy apartment down in hell trying to conjure up a way to rule the Earth, and for the past 2,000 years his nights always ended with him thinking about the hot, new whip lady in Cave Section B while fondling himself. Then came September 15, 1986. Is it a coincidence that the 9/11 attacks and this vapid waste of oxygen’s birth just happened to occur in the same month? I think not. Nay friends, on that unholiest of days, the dark beast of evil was delivered his ultimate weapon! A talentless moron with blonde hair and plastic tits. The world’s armies will not stand a chance! While their minds be sent asunder from the shrieks and shrills emanating from this wombat’s vocal chords, their eyes will be swayed by the miracle of surgical enhancement! Doomed we be, my friends, doomed we be.

But in all seriousness, this song is fucking terrible and it should be burned at the stake. In fact, I’m 100% certain that if you played this song simultaneously against “A Day in the Life,” Heidi Montag’s head would explode, and Spencer Pratt would be eaten by a Tyrannosaurus Rex…….. someone find me some stereos!

EDIT: Just so you can hear the difference between music that someone (Heidi Montag) should be legally executed for, and music that was created by the greatest band to ever step into a studio; here’s “Strawberry Fields Forever.”