Hot Chick of the Day – Keeley Hazell

God Bless Great Britain and its large-breasted women. Is it just me, or has the UK been churning out some incredibly lady-folk over the past few years? The answer of course is, yes, they have been churning out some incredible lady-folk over the past few years. I don’t know if this is a new thing but it seems as though they have an abnormal amount of chicks with really, really large racks, and yet, these racks are neither disgusting nor frightening, and even better, the females that go with them are gorgeous. This is a mystery for the ages, but luckily, I Bluto, am here as your resident detective to solve this sexy riddle. Here’s how it breaks down:

- UK has the world’s largest empire back in the day.

- This empire includes the Colonies that form the future U.S.A.

- One day George Washington and his buddies are sitting around the pub chatting and they get to thinking, “Ya know chaps, the Queen we have over there across the pond isn’t as attractive as our last one. What are we supposed to use to forget the oppression we suffer on a daily basis? And that bloke she’s married to is a rightful dick.” “George, you have never made more sense. Viva Revolucion!” “What? Goddammit Steven, we don’t speak fairy fucking French in these parts. Get the hell out of here!”

- So, a historic case of blue balls leads to the greatest revolt in world history.

- Word of this swims back to King George and he’s like “Oh those mother fuckers!”

- So for the next 8 years the Colonies and the British Empire wage war because they want us to drink their Chinese Tea while we were set on drinking Holland’s tea, which may or may not have been smuggled.

- During the course of the war a douche by the name of Benedict Arnold decided to be a major dick.

- Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla, the U.S. ended up kicking the UK in the nuts, and France started a precedent where they win a war when America does most of the fighting.

- Back to the present day: the United Kingdom is still America’s bitch, and we still treat it like our little brother. We make fun of it to our friends but sometimes we let it come to the movie with us.

- The United Kingdom has tried to impress its bigger brother for the past 200 some years by giving the U.S. kickass music and mind-numbingly hot chicks, like Keeley Hazell. Or sure, there’s been a few sibling rivalries here and there, War of 1812, but for the most part our relationship has been fairly harmonious. Great Britain continues to shine our shoes, and we continue to invite them to the movies. Even though we should’ve listened to them when they said that movie in the desert was going to be a bad one, whatever, it’s their fault.

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