Maxim’s Hot 100 Released
So I may be a little late on this but bla bla blabity bla shut up. For the ninth year in a row Maxim has released its list of the 100 hottest women on the planet who don’t work at the local tanning salon next to the video store. Earlier, I did a post on the 100 most beautiful people alive according to People, and I must say, Maxim’s list runs laps around People’s. Anyway, here’s a rundown of the top 10.
1. Absofuckinglutely. In my opinion of today, Marisa Miller IS the hottest woman alive. This includes those random hot chicks you see walking around who are ten times hottest than any celebrity you can name. Marisa is unbelievably hot. Like Maxim says, she is the hottest American supermodel since Cindy Crawford, and I think she bitchslaps Cindy Crawford back DeKalb, IL. Her boobs are hypnotizing……….
2. First of all, that is the sexiest picture of Scarlett Johansson they could find? She has on more clothes than my Grandma during a Siberian winter. Anyway…. really? Scarlett Johansson? I think she is really hot and all, but I don’t know if she’s worth of a 2 spot.
3. I’m having a hard time on this one. Jessica Biel is super hot, but I’m not sure if she is number 3 material. On the other hand my penis thinks she is absolutely number 3 material, and I don’t want to risk an argument with him since he is involved in the most important parts of my day. Hmmmm…….
4. No. Yes, Eva Longoria is hot, but the 4th hottest woman out there? No.
5. Again, no. Sarah Michelle Gellar is hot, and I would love to have sexual relations with her, but she is not the 5th hottest woman around.
6. Once again my penis and I are at a point of contention. I think Elisha deserves to be number 6 and is really, really hot, but he thinks that she flip-flops too often on her hotness factor, and this brings down her total score. I’d get my brain involved with this but the last time I asked him his opinion on hot chicks he recommended I go read a book. What an asshole.
7. Yes, should be higher. Eva Mendes has been unquestionably hot since she stole the show during Training Day, and those recent Italian Vogue photos propelled her hotness to an even higher level, if that was possible.
8. This is another tough one, but not because I’m wondering is Xtina deserves to be this high, she does, it’s because I’m wondering if she should be higher. Christina is really, really sexy, and her penchant for wearing clothing that showcases her magnificient rack is something that could make her deserve a higher spot. Also, you just know that she is an absolute freak when those bedroom doors clothes. That reminds me, I still have to put my “Murder Jordan Bratt” operation into motion.
9. Eh. Lindsay was the hottest set of boobs jiggling on this Earth two years ago, but lately she just seems so worn out. Granted, she still has a pretty rockin’ body and a superb set of mammaries, but with 4 different penis’ inside her every day I just fear for my own junk. I don’t want to be the first person to catch the contagious version of super gonorrhea.
10. Ummm, no fucking way. Yes, Ashley Tisdale is one of the hottest stars under 25, and she has a way about her that makes me want to pound the bejesus out of her, but number 10? No. No way in hell.
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16. Are you fucking serious?! Megan Fox is only the 16th hottest chick alive? Maxim is trying to tell me that the 14 women before her are hotter? Rhianna? Beyoncé? Hayden Panatsomething? Eva Longoria? Sarah Michelle Gellar? What the fuck? Megan Fox is number 2, no question about it.
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19. Are they fucking high?
Here’s what the top ten list should look like:
1. Marisa Miller
2. Megan Fox
3. Gisele Bundchen
4. Eva Mendes
5. Adriana Lima
6. Jessica Biel
7. Miranda Kerr
8. Christina Aguilera
9. Heidi Klum
10. Carrie Underwood
Or something like that.
I’d also like to point out the Heidi Montag somehow managed to beat out her Hills rivals Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge. Well I call bull shit. Of the three, Audrina outruns the competition like a Kenyan during a marathon. Heidi Montag’s face can be borderline offensive and her chest, though nice, is paid and made of plastic, so Lauren wins.
The end.
Photo: Maxim
- Bluto -
Tags: Maxim's Hot 100
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