Rob Schneider Pregnant.

Rob Schneider confirmed yesterday that he was indeed pregnant, and that the father was Amy Winehouse. In an interview Schneider said he was “Just thrilled that [his] baby will be a mutant” and further added “This could really be a [massive] career boost for me, and for Amy, although I am still filing a restraining order.” Apparently the 44 year old actor may have been date raped, as he cannot remember actually ever sleeping with Ms. Winehouse, but recalls a “Kind of dreamlike state in which I was violated”.

The child will be the first of its kind – and recent X-rays show that it will have four arms, three legs, and various other appendages that are not normally found on humans, but are seen on some insects. Dr. Lipton Porter, Obstetrician and founder of ‘Let’s Make a Baby’ said on record Tuesday that “It would be a remarkable event and hopes that [he] can deliver the miracle baby.” However, due to the fact that Schneider is harboring this abomination somewhere in his abdomen, and lacks anything to actually give birth with, it will be done through cesarean.

Not all are pleased by these developments. Amy Winehouse refused to comment, however a purple tentacle did comment saying that “it was very proud” before Amy shoved it back into her clothing. Furthermore some religious groups are outraged, foremost being the Westboro Baptist Church. Leader of the Church, and all renowned holy-man, notorious for his protests at the funerals of dead American Servicemen released a statement saying that “God hates Rob Schneider, and God hates Amy Winehouse. Kill it with fire.” Pope Benedict the Five Billionth also released a statement – however it was written with coffee beans and could not be read. When offered Crayons to write a new statement he preferred to hide them under his hat.

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