Ryan Reynolds & Scarlett Johansson Married

In a case of extreme douchbaggery, Ryan “I’m a son of a bitch” Reynolds married Scarlett Johansson in America’s hat over the weekend. People reports:

Attended by only a handful of close friends and family, the ceremony was held at a remote wilderness retreat outside of Vancouver, B.C.
This is the first marriage for both. The couple had announced their engagement in May.

My ring would’ve been FOUR carats (oh, I forgot to mention her ring was 3 carats), Scarlett. Huh? Nevermind where I stole bought it from, just know that the only thing I would’ve asked of you was that you be naked all day, every day. Ya know, so we can keep it classy.