Samantha Ronson Using Lindsay Lohan’s Vagina for Fame

According to Michael Lohan, Samantha Ronson (lesbian vampire DJ) is using his daughter’s vagina to catapult herself to fame. The Sun reports:

MICHAEL LOHAN accuses the DJ of dating his daughter purely to boost her fame, after hearing Sam may pen a ‘tell-all’ book about her life.

Michael said: “I’ve shut up about this long enough. Samantha is using my daughter.

“People never even knew who Samantha Ronson was until she met Lindsay.

“She was just some Los Angeles DJ. And now she’s writing a book? I am at my wit’s end with this stuff.

“This is not in Lindsay’s best interest.

Michael also accuses Sam of reintroducing Lindsay to booze, despite the former child star seeking treatment in rehab for her drinking problems.

He told E! Online: “Samantha drinks and passes the drinks under the table to Lindsay, and behind the scenes it gets worse and worse.

“Sam is using my daughter. My daughter isn’t working because she’s always with Sam.

Now, while that sounds like a plausible theory seeing as how Samantha was about as well-known as a half-eaten dog biscuit before scissoring Lindsay’s labium, you must remember that Michael Lohan is insane. The only reason he would ever bring this up is so someone shoves a microphone in his face, which he hopes will somehow lead to a TV executive thinking, “Hey! We should give that guy a show!! I am so fucking smart!!!”