Sarah Palin to Crayon Memoirs

That’s right ladies and gents… and ghosts of a thousand dead wolves, caribou, and polar bears, Sarah Palin has signed a deal to write her memoirs. I have it from a reliable source that she will be using a full set of Crayola brand Crayons to write and then publish her masterpiece. It will also contain hand drawn pictures of the campaign trail, and in addition will include photos of her shoving her hands up the asses of the dead animals she valiantly hunted down from her hatred-copter.

Yes my children, it will be a glorious book filled with many different colors and configurations of words, including quotes from her interviews like:

As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border

They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan.

I’m the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can’t.

We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. … We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation.

Each book will also contain a drool sample of authenticity – just look for the strange blood-stained looking smear from her fingers, and that oh so wonderful yellowed paper near it. Don’t worry, endangered wolf blood and polar bear blood has no diseases that we know of. Well, not like we care anyways.