Shia Labeouf Could Get Away with Serial Murder

There once was a time when Shia Labeouf got friggin’ hammered and decided to go for a little drive. As you can imagine, this turned out fine, as long as fine means your truck ending up on its roof. So, of course Shia will be charged with a DUI, right? No, not even close. The AP reports:

There was “insufficient evidence” to charge LaBeouf with drunken driving, Los Angeles County District Attorney spokeswoman Jane Robison said Thursday. She said prosecutors are mulling charges against two other people involved in the July collision, but could not provide further details.

“Shia is most happy that he will not have to go to court,” said his attorney, Michael Norris.

LaBeouf was arrested July 27 after an early morning crash that injured his hand and sent him to a hospital for several days. Sheriff’s deputies said later that LaBeouf was not at fault in the accident, which occurred in West Hollywood.

Jesus Harold Christ, does anyone in Hollywood have to abide by the law, at all? Sure, another driver was found to be at fault for the accident for running a red light, but Shia was seen in a bar earlier pounding drinks and later refused a breathalyzer test. If I had done that shit I would still be in a gulag in northern Siberia hoping the Viktor the Anal Pillager is just a funny nickname for my new cellmate.