Apparently, Australia has a gorgeous supermodel factory.  Why wasn’t I told about this?  Didn’t I put you people in charge of keeping me up-to-date on supermodel production?  It’s almost like I’m not even handsomely paying you in Monopoly money.  If I wasn’t in such a good movie…  movie?  What the fuck brain?  …  mood from ogling Jessica Hart, you’d all be fired.  Now go get me a muffin T-bone steak.  I’m a fearless leader.

So, Melissa Haro is a super hot model with a kind heart.  According to her bio, she wants to open a chain of afforable veterinarian clinics one day.  What?  What the hell you giving me that look for just because I read her information?  I’m a gentleman, dammit!  OK, fine, my internet broke down and I wasn’t able to change the page.  Are you happy, now?!  Seriously, though, Melissa, I dig the stuff with the animals, and the whatnot.  And I have my own tent.  So, ya know, think about it.

Alright then, Jessica Gomes is officially the hottest chick out of Australia, unless Miranda Kerr gets naked.  And perhaps Portugal and China.  Why?  Well, Australia has historically been a nation where the world’s criminals, whores, and miscreants — the cool people — have gone to live, and somewhere amongst that mass of illegal sex-hounds, Jessica’s ancestors hitched their wagon.  Her Portuguese father and Chinese mother met, made coitus, and out popped a supermodel.  It’s science.

Click the link after the pictures to view two more videos.

Bar Refaeli better watch out, there’s a new super hot Israeli model in town (my town?  Please say yes).  Sure, Bar is quite a bit hotter at the moment, but Esti Ginzburg is only eighteen.  Yes, eighteen.  She can only get better from here.

Click the link after the pictures to view Esti’s video diary.

Damn.  Danica Patrick is far and away the hottest race car driver.  Sure, there’s like three women drivers in all of racing (right?), but even if whatever league she is in was filled to the bra with tits (what?), Danica would still be tops.  Of course, I have absolutely no proof to back that claim, so I think it’d be best if Danica just walked around naked from now on.  Just to show potential speeding vaginas who’s who in this world of chocolate pudding wrestling…  Wait, that’s what this post was about, yes?  Hot chicks bumping boobies in sweet custard?  Alright then.

In case you were wondering if Slovakia has any gorgeous women, the short answer is — yes.  The long answer is — what the fuck are you wondering about that for?  Lucia Dvosrka is prancing about in skimpy bikinies.  Now, stop being gay, and start making God cry.

According to my own personal theory, redheads are either really hot or really ugly.  As you’ve probably guessed, Cintia Dicker is really hot.  Really, really hot.  Like, I would murder your entire family, cut off both of my legs, and drown an entire litter of puppies just to see a boob, hot.  Think I should sharpen this saw before I start this procedure?

I still hold to my notion that Heath Ledger should’ve won every award in the Academy Awards because his recreation of the Joker was so fucking good.  Every other character in this year’s movies was anally raped by Heath’s Joker.

NOTE: Select HQ at the bottom-right to view in high-quality.  Also, click here to see a compilation of the Joker’s scenes.  Also, anyone else notice the camera panning around to the actors crying during the Ledger family’s acceptence speech?  I’m guessing it was sincere, but still, they’re actors — they can fake that shit.

And I didn’t watch a second of it, mostly because I didn’t give a shit, but also because there was a fireplace, and that was way more interesting.  Anywho, if you missed that Academy Awards, as well, here be the winners:

Motion Picture: “Slumdog Millionaire.”

Actor: Sean Penn, “Milk.”

Actress: Kate Winslet, “The Reader.”

Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger, “The Dark Knight.”

Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz, “Vicky Cristina Barcelona.”

Director: Danny Boyle, “Slumdog Millionaire.”

Foreign Film: “Departures,” Japan.

Adapted Screenplay: Simon Beaufoy, “Slumdog Millionaire.”

Original Screenplay: Dustin Lance Black, “Milk.”

Animated Feature Film: “WALL-E.”

Art Direction: “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.”

Cinematography: “Slumdog Millionaire.”

Sound Mixing: “Slumdog Millionaire.”

Sound Editing: “The Dark Knight.”

Original Score: “Slumdog Millionaire,” A.R. Rahman.

Original Song: “Jai Ho” from “Slumdog Millionaire,” A.R. Rahman and Gulzar.

Costume: “The Duchess.”

Documentary Feature: “Man on Wire.”

Documentary (short subject): “Smile Pinki.”

Film Editing: “Slumdog Millionaire.”

Makeup: “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.”

Animated Short Film: “La Maison en Petits Cubes.”

Live Action Short Film: “Spielzeugland (Toyland).”

Visual Effects: “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.”

So, Mickey Rouke got robbed, and Heath Ledger dead is still probably better than everyone.  Another mutual-masturbation ceremony done.

After closely examining (I need a new microscope) this video and the accompanying photos, and taking into account her bodypaint extravaganza, Brooklyn Decker may have just in fact risen to the top of my lady pile to claim the “Hottest Lady Chick in the World” title.  It’s a prestigious honor.  Ms. Decker shall be showered with rewards, which she can pick up in my bedroom.

NOTE: Click the link below to view Brooklyn’s video diary.