And she continues to remain completely useless and terribly uninteresting. But I guess this is better than her upcoming, non-nude Playboy pictorials will be. TMZ:

Heidi said although she exposed a lot of skin during the shoot, she still covered up the bull’s-eyes on her moneymakers. She also told us she’ll be featured on two covers [...]

Well, this is good news. For me. Because I can finally lay down my sweet moves. I totally have a legitimate chance at landing Bar Refaeli… Dammit. People:

On-again off-again couple Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Refaeli have called it quits once more, sources confirm to PEOPLE.
“They’re taking time off for the time being, they’ve split,” says [...]

Well then, this marks the first time in history that I have been jealous of a female porn star. To think, all this time I’ve been investing in romantic candles, nice clothes, fancy cars, rohypnol, and fine jewelry — when all I had to do was walk up to Ms. Brook and start licking her [...]

I had completely forgotten that Natalie Imbruglia existed, but I am pleased to see that she decided to storm back into my consciousness boobs first. And those are some tremendous boobs to lead a revolution with, or something. Australia is under the rule of an oppressive dictator, right? No? Well, let’s pretend it is. Game. [...]

I’ve always thought that the official ambassador from the leprechaun kingdom was hot. I’m not sure if it’s because she’s tiny and has a wicked sexy body — that looks like it was built for getting evicted from your apartment sex — or if it’s because I secretly hope that if I adequately sex her [...]