According to my team of Weeble Wobble villagers intelligence officers, Megan Fox is currently engaging in an effort to conquer every country on the planet by simply showing up. It’s a known fact that nobody can resist her unnatural beauty, and whenever she enters a room everyone crumbles into bumbling idiots. No one is safe. [...]
Holy Jesus fucking Christ on a stick. Someone needs to marry this chick and then dump her so she has something new to obsess over. I volunteer under the stipulation that she is always naked. If, god forbid, she has to leave the bedroom she must wear a skin-tight dress with her boobs pushed up [...]
So, just like in real life. Hot chicks come around and men turn into bumbling retards. How do you women not rule the world by now?
It’s good to see Jessica huffing and wheezing her way through the myriad of high class county fairs and down home chili cook-offs to reclaim her former glory of ridiculous sexiness. Granted, her boobs will always be amongst the best sets that Hollywood can dish out — and I’d still kill every newborn in Guatemala [...]