Earlier I said that Megan Fox is the hottest person alive, but after viewing these ridiculously awesome Bar Refaeli pics I may have to change my tune. My penis and I sat down and had a long talk about this conundrum, and we agreed that the only way to solve this definitively is for Megan, Bar, my penis, and myself to engage in vigorous talks in my bed. Somebody needs to notify the UN so they can get a resolution in the works. Also, someone needs to go firebomb Esquire headquarters for fucking up Bar Refaeli voluntarily getting naked. You aim the Hubble Telescope at that miracle of awesome, not write all over it. Douches.

I’m not sure how Esquire managed to fuck this up, but they did.  They had Megan Fox 80% naked, and in bed.  With this overwhelming advantage at hand, they managed to get her to go outside and sit by the pool.  What the shit?  If I was in that situation I probably would’ve squeeled like a school girl and then masturbated in the corner I would’ve bedded Megan like a fearless viking warrior, and then gone outside and wrestled a sabertooth tiger.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Goddammit Bluto, stop smoking so much friggin’ opium,” but bear with me here. I’m not saying that the nightmare of today’s Britney Spears is deserved of the HCOTD crown, because she isn’t, at all, she’s more deserved of being KFC’s mascot. What I’m saying is that the Britney Spears of yesteryear is absolutely deserved (does that word work here? Sure why not) of the HCOTD crown. Back when you, your father, uncle, brother, grandpa, third cousin twice removed, and possibly your gay aunt would blow up all of France for the chance to touch her boobs. Back when Britney wasn’t completely insane, and didn’t think she needed to finish the entire cake each and every time. That Britney was hotter than hell. That Britney needs to break out of the mental asylum once more.

You may also be asking why I would visit the past when they are so many hot chicks in the here and now. Well, it’s mostly because I am really lazy today and have the ambition of Rosie O’Donnell in a marathon, and I remembered that One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest used to be really hot and making her today’s HCOTD would be really easy. So, blame Rosie O’Donnell’s jelly rolls if you are not satisfied and keep that revolution talk on the down-low. I promised to teach you serfs my knowledge of movable type, but not until the next turnip harvest comes in. And god help you if you those turnips are used as volley against my castle.

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Photo: Dumpstersluts (ha, also NSFW)

- Bluto -