Angelina Jolie continued to repopulate the entire Western Hemisphere by giving birth to twins, a boy and a girl, Saturday night by way of a caesarian section in Nice, France.  Rueters reports:

Hollywood actress Angelina Jolie has given birth to twins, a boy and a girl, her doctor at a hospital in southern France said on Sunday.

Oscar winner Jolie, 33, had the twins by caesarean section on Saturday evening at the Lenval hospital on the glamorous Promenade des Anglais waterfront drive in Nice. Actor Brad Pitt, the twins’ father, was believed to be at her side.

The girl, named Vivienne Marcheline, weighed 2.27 kg (5.0 lbs) while her brother, Knox Leon, weighed an almost identical 2.28 kg, according to Jolie’s doctor, Michel Sussmann.

“The parents and the babies are in excellent health. Everything is fine,” Sussmann told Reuters. He said the c-section had been planned for a long time but the date was brought forward “for medical reasons”.

Well it’s about friggin’ time.  Based on the schedule that I have absolutely not been keeping Angelina has been pregnant for like 66 years.  I’m not entirely sure, but I think her news of being pregnant was bumped off the top story by the bombing of Pearl Harbor.  Also, there is some sad news to go along with this joyous event; Angelina will no longer be “suffering” from her magnificient case of “Pregnant Boobs Syndrome.”  ‘Tis a shame.  Anywho, congrats to Brad & Angelina and their entire three-ring circus of a brood.

- Bluto -

According to some people from Frace, Angelina is or will soon give birth to twin girls.  Someone start the 18 year countdown.  The AP reports:

The seafront Lenval hospital in Nice in the south of France said Tuesday that Angelina Jolie had checked in at its Santa Maria maternity clinic to be kept under doctors’ surveillance and get some rest before she gives birth.

“There’s no urgency. It’s been planned for a long time,” said Nadine Bauer, a hospital spokeswoman. “She’s very well. Everything is fine.”

“She is not on the verge of giving birth, not at all,” she said. “It’s not for right away.”

The 33-year-old actress will almost certainly remain in the hospital until she gives birth, Bauer said.

Well it’s about friggin’ time.  Angelina has been pregnant for like 16 months, which lead me to believe that she was part elephant, but as it turns out, she is just a normal woman who happens to have the greatest genes ever.  Also, what the shit did that dude mean when he said Angelina would remain in the hospital until she gave birth?  Isn’t that obvious?  It’s not like we were expecting her to compete in a triathlon with a stomach full of human.

- Bluto -

The news that Tori Spelling had a baby girl decided to pop-up today, and everyone celebrated the joyous news with a collective, “Who?”  People reports:

Tori Spelling and husband Dean McDermott welcomed their second child, a daughter, on Monday, PEOPLE has confirmed.

Stella Doreen McDermott was born in a Los Angeles hospital via C-section, weighing 6 lbs., 8 oz.

The couple also have a 1-year-old son, Liam Aaron. McDermott, 41, has a son, Jack, 9, from a previous marriage.

Spelling, 35, revealed she was expecting a girl in March.

This news stood no chance today as people are still recovering from Jessica Alba becoming the hottest MILF in existence, and Tori Spelling is still offensively ugly.  So on that note, I’m going to go outside and stare at the grass.

- Bluto -

Jessica Alba and her son of a bitch husband welcomed a baby girl, Honor Marie Warren, late Saturday night in Los Angeles.  Us reports:

Honor Marie Warren was born Saturday at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.

Alba’s father was overheard saying “she’s beautiful.” Warren — in a T-shirt, jeans and baseball cap — was spotted carrying food into the maternity ward Sunday.

Alba, 26, and Warren, 28, announced they were expecting last December.

Honor?  Alright then.  Well, congratulations to Mrs. Alba and her healthy baby who will be the desire of every man on the planet in 18 years should Cash Warsonofabitchren’s seed hold up to Alba’s spectacular genes.  Congratulations are not in order for said son of a bitch as he is still responsible for taking away the carefree, more than likely wild as all hell in the sack Jessica Alba, and transforming her into the calm, motherly role she will now fulfill.  What a selfish asshole.  Luckily, he gets to look forward to chasing every man in the Union down the street with a shotgun in about two decades.

- Bluto -