Holy Jesus fucking Christ on a stick. Someone needs to marry this chick and then dump her so she has something new to obsess over. I volunteer under the stipulation that she is always naked. If, god forbid, she has to leave the bedroom she must wear a skin-tight dress with her boobs pushed up [...]

Well then. Megan Fox is still the hottest person alive. If you say different I will strike you in the testicles and/or ovaries. Except I will use my penis in my attempted ovary strike. It should be great fun. I’m pretty sure Megan would be up for it, as I can almost guarantee that she [...]

I would still totally do the hell out of Jennifer Aniston.  She’s got a wicked body and looks like she’d be pretty damn wild in the bedroom region.  But I’m not quite sure she is Bond girl material.  The Daily Mail:
For Jennifer Aniston, age really is no boundary.
She’s dating a man nine years her junior [...]

I really have to start one of these lads magazine things.  The promotional tour of my bedroom has yet to lead to any supermodels getting naked for my polaroids.  Like, for instance, if Heidi Klum showed up naked to my tour, I wouldn’t even charge her the usual sexing fee of getting to see a [...]

Well, I’ve finally returned from my lengthy self-exile in the Amazon Rainforest.  Why was I hiding in the Amazon Rainforest, you ask?  Well, apparently, Mexican Drug Lords do not like it when you drive off in the wrong van after a weekend of binge drinking only to discover that, that van is a mechanized drug [...]