So, the United Nations passed a truce resolution in between banging each other’s hot, foreign interns.  That’s what they do, right?  Anyway, the resolution calls for an immediate ceasefire.  CNN reports:

Fourteen of the council’s 15 members voted in favor of the resolution, with U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice abstaining from the vote on behalf of the United States.

The resolution expresses “grave concern” about the growing humanitarian crisis and heavy civilian casualties in Gaza, as well as civilian deaths in Israel from Hamas rocket fire.

Roughly 765 Palestinians and 13 Israelis, including 10 soldiers, have been killed since Israel began its military assault on Gaza on December 27.

The resolution “stresses the urgency of, and calls for, an immediate, durable, and fully respected cease-fire which will lead to the full withdrawal of Israeli forces from Gaza.”

Why do they even try?  Six months from now it’ll be, “So, Israel, Hamas, you guys remember that resolution we pass back in January?”  Also, I noticed that the United States abstained from voting.  It’s good to know that we don’t want to take public sides when we are secretly supporting both sides, and hope that they continue to blow the hell out of each other.  Can we make Obama President already?

So Ryan Reynolds decided to be the world’s biggest asshole and keep Scarlet Johansson’s awesome boobage all to himself by way of engagement.  What a dick.  People reports:

After dating for more than a year, Scarlett Johansson is set to marry her boyfriend Ryan Reynolds, PEOPLE has learned exclusively.

“They’re both thrilled,” Johansson’s rep Marcel Pariseau tells PEOPLE.

Reynolds, 31, currently filming the aptly named The Proposal in Boston with Sandra Bullock, recently popped the question to Johansson, 23. The couple have not set a wedding date.

The Nanny Diaries star is expected to show off her sparkler at Monday night’s Metropolitan Museum Costume Institute Gala in New York. Sources say Johansson is eager to “show off her rock” with her Dolce & Gabbana gown.

What the shit is that?  I could swear that marrying Scarlet Johansson was ruled an act of terrorism AND a war crime akin to genocide at the last U.N. meeting.  So, ladies and gentleman, it’s official, Ryan Reynolds is a terrorist.  For whom you may ask?  Al-Qaeda?  Hamas?  Hezbollah?  Army of God?  Kach and Kahane Chai?  IRA?  Well he is not a member of any single one group, he is in fact a member of all of them.  Based on my research Mr. Reynolds is in fact the top terrorist in the world and is the leader of every single terrorist organization with an umbrella of terrorist cells beneath him.  Osama bin Laden licks Ryan Reynolds’ taint.  So I put it to you, militaries of the world, stop this enemy of the free world before it’s too late!  Scarlet Johansson’s boobs must be freed!

- Bluto -