It’s good to see Jessica Alba out showcasing the only thing she’s known for these days since she can act about as well as that half-eaten pickle staring at me……. “What do you want from me?!”  Seriously, he gets like this everytime I take a little bite of him, all moody and unresponsive.  Speaking of [...]

After vigorously studying Jessica Alba’s chest region, astronomers have proclaimed that her wonderful miracles of mammary have officially been granted planetary status.  They will take their place in orbit around the sun between Venus and Earth.  In related news, NASA has announced that its astronaut applications have risen by 4,000%.  Amazing.
Photo: Egotastic
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Jessica Alba and her son of a bitch husband welcomed a baby girl, Honor Marie Warren, late Saturday night in Los Angeles.  Us reports:
Honor Marie Warren was born Saturday at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.
Alba’s father was overheard saying “she’s beautiful.” Warren — in a T-shirt, jeans and baseball cap — was spotted carrying [...]

….so says the dream in my head.  What could spurn such cruel and malicious thoughts you ask?  Well, mainly it’s People’s report that, that son of a bitch Cash Warren married Jessica Alba.  Why the hell didn’t Alba’s parents sit her down and talk about safe sex?  Why the hell did my Sperm Laser Uterus [...]

Jessica Alba went out to eat at some restaurant in some city on what I assume is planet Earth; I don’t know, that’s not important. What is important is that Jessica Alba is pregnant and that of course means she has one of the greatest cases of “Pregnant Boobs Syndrome” ever, and as you [...]