NOTE: The good stuff starts at the 3:09 mark.

This is pretty much the best thing you’re going to see today, so you might as well just watch this on loop for fourteen hours and go to bed.

AHHHHH!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! *Jumps Out Window* The Sun:

THIS picture should carry a health warning.

Not since HARRY ENFIELD creations Wayne and Waynetta Slob have two such scabby human beings locked lips.

I can’t bear to think about the record level of grime passing between PETE DOHERTY and AMY WINEHOUSE.

It turns out that you cannot die from jumping out of a window on the first floor, who knew?  I’ve sent our intern Bill up to the 32nd floor to see what a fall from that height does.  That son of a bitch better report back this time too.  I had him slap a Great White to test the theory that their bites can kill you, and do you know what he did after getting his torso bit off?  Went to the hospital.  That whiny little pussbag needs to learn how to be a professional, and to start working with the team.

Anyway, Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty were making out the other night, and presumably they are now having regular sex, which is the premise for the most terrifying horror movie of all time.  I checked with Jason, Freddy Krueger, and Leatherface on their thoughts on this movie:

Jason – asked why his mom was a crazy, psycho bitch, pretty uncooperative.

Freddy – said he’d still do present-day Winehouse, after I questioned his standards he showed me his face again at which point I laughed, at which point he stabbed me in the stomach.  He’s a bit of a reactionary.

Leatherface – asked me if I had any gasoline, turns out I did, turns out that was a bad idea since he proceeded to go Paul Bunyan on me with his stupid chainsaw.  I am doing this report from inside an iron-lung.

Also, that article from The Sun was completely useless, why did I even post it?

- Bluto -