At this point, I don’t even know why Lily tries to wear a top. Her boobs are like great heroes, always looking for a way out of the oppression all great heroes face, or something. I’m not entirely sure if my heroic story of Lily’s Houdini-like tits will rank up there with the Iliad, but [...]

Doesn’t Lily Allen seem like she’s just one big bundle of awesome? She’s already from the UK — the greatest place on earth, which someone should lend me some money to move to — and she doesn’t seem to have any qualms about nudity, which bodes well for my plan of lots and lots of [...]

So Lily Allen spent the day buying some knockers for her door, and NOT some knockers for her chest. Goddamn misleading titles. In case you care The Sun disappoints:

LILY ALLEN hit the shops yesterday looking for goodies to make some home improvements.
She spent ages in a DIY store in London hunting for [...]