I think I’m being a little generous by calling that thing a “top”. It pretty much looks like Katie took a net and stretched and cut it a bit, which as you’ve probably already guessed, is one of the best decisions she’s ever made. It’s too bad she stopped the thought process when she did. I think we can all agree that she would’ve done humanity a great service if she would’ve burned that net into ash before putting it on, and also had sex with me for some reason.

NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions of Katie’s exemplary decision-making.

It’s nice to see that Megan has taken after one of the greatest geniuses of our time, Heather Graham, and decided that bras are silly. It’s also nice to see that Megan thought that a curtain was a good choice for a dress. I couldn’t agree more. I don’t think it’s possible for her to get any sexier. I know, some of you would say that she could show up to a premiere naked, and while that may sound awesome in theory, according to my research Megan would explode into a supernova and kill us all if she were to get naked. Yes, that sounds like a tremendously awesome way to die, but are you willing to sacrifice the children for a moment of Megan Fox nudity? I am. The sign-up sheet is behind the ‘Honest Joe’s Porn Emporium’.

[View with PicLens]

Seriously, those things could cut diamonds. Frozen diamonds. Did you see what I did there? I emphasized that Posh’s nipples are so erect that they could cut an inconceivably hard diamond. What? Oh, I’m sorry, was that commentary not up to your standards? Would you like to do it? Fine, here, knock yourself out. I’ll be over here motorboating Posh’s tits… Oh god, my eye!

Damn, Heather needs to make more movies. If things keep going this route she should be naked by her third premiere. Also, if that diagram I sent to her publicist works out, Heather should be in my room by midnight. The post office man said I was a jackass because I had written everything in crayon, but people like pretty colors. Especially females. And they are especially impressed when you color inside the lines.

There is no way in hell that Sharon would not have realized that her fake old lady tits would’ve been on full display in that thing when the flash bulbs started going off.  Seeing as how she’s not even remotely relevant these days, this seems like nothing more than a, “Hey!  Look at me!” attempt.  And I gotta say, there is no better way to get attention than by showing your boobs, ladies.

NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions of Sharon’s geriatric nipples that I would still absolutely play with.  What?  Don’t even try to tell me that Sharon wouldn’t be able to rock your world under the linens.

Supermodels who wear see-through shirts, and allow their boobs to be unfettered underneath, is about the greatest thing ever.  Especially when that supermodel is the most successful one in existence, and has really nice boobs, as Gisele Bundchen clearly does.  Thank you, frigid New York air.