Bar Refaeli better watch out, there’s a new super hot Israeli model in town (my town?  Please say yes).  Sure, Bar is quite a bit hotter at the moment, but Esti Ginzburg is only eighteen.  Yes, eighteen.  She can only get better from here.

Click the link after the pictures to view Esti’s video diary.

Damn.  Danica Patrick is far and away the hottest race car driver.  Sure, there’s like three women drivers in all of racing (right?), but even if whatever league she is in was filled to the bra with tits (what?), Danica would still be tops.  Of course, I have absolutely no proof to back that claim, so I think it’d be best if Danica just walked around naked from now on.  Just to show potential speeding vaginas who’s who in this world of chocolate pudding wrestling…  Wait, that’s what this post was about, yes?  Hot chicks bumping boobies in sweet custard?  Alright then.

In case you were wondering if Slovakia has any gorgeous women, the short answer is — yes.  The long answer is — what the fuck are you wondering about that for?  Lucia Dvosrka is prancing about in skimpy bikinies.  Now, stop being gay, and start making God cry.

According to my own personal theory, redheads are either really hot or really ugly.  As you’ve probably guessed, Cintia Dicker is really hot.  Really, really hot.  Like, I would murder your entire family, cut off both of my legs, and drown an entire litter of puppies just to see a boob, hot.  Think I should sharpen this saw before I start this procedure?

After closely examining (I need a new microscope) this video and the accompanying photos, and taking into account her bodypaint extravaganza, Brooklyn Decker may have just in fact risen to the top of my lady pile to claim the “Hottest Lady Chick in the World” title.  It’s a prestigious honor.  Ms. Decker shall be showered with rewards, which she can pick up in my bedroom.

NOTE: Click the link below to view Brooklyn’s video diary.

Well, since we’ve finished with this year’s Sports Illustrated bodypaint models, I figured we’d move on to the pictures and videos of every other model in this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.  Hallelujah.  Kim Cloutier is here to kick us off with her magnificient breasts.

NOTE: Click the link below to view the rest of the photos and Kim’s video diary.

Well, we’ve reached the last model in this year’s collection of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue bodypaint models.  Previously, we had Brooklyn Decker, Jessica White, and Irina Shayk.  The final piece of the sexy puzzle (I spent thirty seconds trying to figure out exactly what I meant with that, but in the end I decided I didn’t care) is the gorgeous Julie Henderson.  Like her painted brethren before her, Julie has no qualms about gallivanting across a beach in nothing but fancy paint.  Coincidentally, I have no qualms about masturbating in the public library.  Though, I suspect that geriatric bitch at the front desk doesn’t take to it, what with her giving me a death stare, and all…  “This is a public building, you old hag!”

Alright then, we’ve reached the third out of four of this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue bodypaint models.  Before Ms. Shayk, we had Brooklyn Decker, and Jessica White.  I’d just like to let it be known that if I ever run into three women who are as beautiful as these, and they are covered in nothing but bodypaint, I will become the first person in history to have their head literally explode.

Sports Illustrated gives us a video of Bar Refaeli explaining Bar Refaeli.  And just because SI is so awesome, there are plenty of video sequences of Bar jumping around in a bikini.

I’ve decided to post all of the Sports Illustrated bodypainting videos/pictures in the coming days.  Yesterday we had Brooklyn Decker.  Today we have Jessica White.  After viewing both of these videos back-to-back, several times, I’m left with one question; Why in the hairy-nippled fuck has no one built a monument to Sports Illustrated, yet?  Do we really need the Taj Mahal?  Would people actually miss Mount Rushmore?  I think everyone would agree that a gargantuan shrine to SI in one or both of those places would be much better.