According to my team of Weeble Wobble villagers intelligence officers, Megan Fox is currently engaging in an effort to conquer every country on the planet by simply showing up. It’s a known fact that nobody can resist her unnatural beauty, and whenever she enters a room everyone crumbles into bumbling idiots. No one is safe. That is why I volunteer to single-handily capture Megan Fox and lock the two of us into a secure room until scientists can devise a way to combat her hotness. To ensure our safety, and to lessen any chance of her escape, both of us will be naked at all times. It may get a little chilly in there, and I’ve heard that shared body heat between two individuals can help to stave off hypothermia — that is why physical contact between Megan and myself will be allowed, and possibly encouraged.

Click to see more pictures of Megan Fox’s London invasion.

[View with PicLens]

[View with PicLens]

It’s nice to see that Megan has taken after one of the greatest geniuses of our time, Heather Graham, and decided that bras are silly. It’s also nice to see that Megan thought that a curtain was a good choice for a dress. I couldn’t agree more. I don’t think it’s possible for her to get any sexier. I know, some of you would say that she could show up to a premiere naked, and while that may sound awesome in theory, according to my research Megan would explode into a supernova and kill us all if she were to get naked. Yes, that sounds like a tremendously awesome way to die, but are you willing to sacrifice the children for a moment of Megan Fox nudity? I am. The sign-up sheet is behind the ‘Honest Joe’s Porn Emporium’.

[View with PicLens]

I’m sure a few of you saw the title of this post and thought that Megan was engaged in some sort of lesbian sexfest with Paris Hilton, but we all know that Megan is classier than that. No, she doesn’t mind kickin’ it with the ladies every now and then, but I’m pretty sure she’s against diving mouth first into a STD-laden toxic waste dump.

And by “sucking” I meant gently nibbling on it, which as it turns out is even sexier. Anywho, I was going to go on a long tangent about how this could be construed into one or more sexual innuendos, but I figured you people are perverted enough to do it yourselves. Also, it’s Friday and I’m pretty sure I’m not going to try today. Now if only my sweatpants would wash themselves.

Of course, all the see-through parts are in exactly the wrong place. Clearly, whoever made that dress was an asshole. But lucky for us, Megan seems to be pulling out all the sexy on the Transformers promotional tour, as evidenced by this post and this post from yesterday. Salute, Megan.

Why the hell did they have this premiere in Japan? How the fuck is Megan supposed to have fun over there — they don’t have big American penis. They should have had it in a place worthy of Megan’s ridiculous gorgeousness. Like, say, for instance, my shed my neighbor’s shed. Harold is gone most of the day, and at night he gets drunk and yells at squirrels, I don’t think he’d mind and/or notice.

Damn, this movie looks like it’s going to be entertaining as all hell.  Sure, there will be some moments where you go, “Wait, what?” but then something will blow up or Megan Fox will come on the screen, and you’ll remember that, “It not important.”

And just so we can start the weekend off on a good foot, below is a screencap of the best scene in the movie.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen from Bay Films/Michael Bay Dot Com on Vimeo.

Alright then, this movie looks like it’s going to be absolutely fucking awesome.  The only way it could look any better is if they come out with a new trailer that has Megan Fox naked for seventeen hours.

NOTE: Make sure you turn the HD on.

Like the rest of America, I watched the magnificient Super Bowl game that one day a couple of days ago.  The game was great, commercials were, “Meh.”  But they did show a clip of the upcoming Transformers movie, and boy did it ever excite my penis.