Holy fucking walrus penis, when did Anna Paquin become such a freakishly awesome sexbomb? Someone get me an audition for this show. Emmys will come raining down. Granted, the simulated sex scenes may only take up a total of 11 seconds, but I have already devised a solution to that. Prior to the simulated sex scene Anna and I will have actual sex beforehand. That way any excitement I would have had during the filming will be expended during coitus pre-scene. Yes, I am a genius, no I will not do your math homework. My eyes are too round to be that kind of genius.

NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions of Anna being my new hero.

Click to see the ridiculously NSFW video of Anna having some sex.

Meh. Do it again, Brooke, but with more nudity and less Jolly Green Giant syndrome.

Click to see Kendra Wilkinson work the pole like a professional.

So it looks exactly like every other magazine pictorial she has done while wearing a bikini. I am massively disappointed. She better do a week’s worth of AOTS shows completely naked or I will be forced to retaliate. How, you ask? Let’s just say that it will involve a coldly calculated plot, and will not end with me getting arrested after accidentally taring and feathering myself. “I said to wait for 284 seconds, Carl! What the fuck is so hard about that? You made me look like an idiot — even with me wearing my fierce battle tutu.”

You already knew that Entourage is fucking terrible, right?

I’m not too terribly excited about Olivia Munn’s upcoming Playboy pictorial as she wont be nude, and I’ve already seen her in bikinis and nearly naked dozens of times. What could Playboy possibly do to make a routine pictorial more exciting? Unless… That’s it! They are going to use a nude Marisa Miller to cover up a nude Olivia Munn. Playboy, you magnificent bastards.

Boobs are fucking awesome.

As you’ve probably already guess (unless your brain no longer exists, or you were born in Kansas) this isn’t exactly new, but it’s still good stuff.

NOTE: Parts 2 though 5 are at the link below.

Study this video before you go out to the clubs tonight and you will have great success.

It looks like he was having a lot of fun there. I wish I was drunk right now. OoOoOoOo, look what I found — the liquor cabinet. Call an ambulance.

NOTE: The good stuff starts at the 3:09 mark.

This is pretty much the best thing you’re going to see today, so you might as well just watch this on loop for fourteen hours and go to bed.